“A Stranger to Me”
We grow and transform in many ways throughout our lifetime. At times we are propelled forward or held back by circumstances, by individuals and even by self-sabotaging.
As I look back at my life’s path there are certain things in my past that I refuse to give a lot of thought to. I keep those experiences locked away, and don’t share details until after I unwittingly share and leave more questions than answers.
My complicated life experiences have a way of taking center stage in my creative works.
“A Stranger To Me,” is a song about a woman who doesn’t want to be held or kept back by someone else’s ideals but wants to reach her fullest potential.
My mother had such an abusive marital relationship that she became super-controlling as a mother. It was as if she had no idea where her obligation as a parent ended. At some point, our relationship became overbearing. I had a close bond with her because of some of the trauma my dad inflicted. Given that situation I didn’t want to exert my will and be a burden. With that, I allowed her to control every aspect of my life.
Once I became 19, I met my first crush. Mom was a conservative Christian, and he was not, so I knew without a shadow of doubt that she would not approve. Yet, I had all the natural desires of a nineteen-year-old. I am not saying that was the right person for me, but I believed that should have been my choice to explore and have a relationship explore and have a relationship.
We were living in New York at this time but were originally from Belize. Her idea to take control of this situation, even though I was 19, was to threaten that she would send me back to our country if I insisted on being in that relationship.
I was not her, and my ideas and aspirations and longings were not aligned with her as a mother. However, it was not until I was 27 years old that I walked away, and got my own apartment; needless to say, she became super upset and stopped talking to me. She wanted me to be an extension of her and to push my aspirations and desires aside and to continue to live with and abide by her wishes.
Such a complex story would be difficult to convey in any lyric, but the longing in me to be an independent minded person still persists and is the driving force behind my “A Stranger To Me,” lyrics.
In A Stranger to Me, “the controlled person” was unrecognizable to me. However, I do recognize that as I grow at every stage of life, I am renewed and not the same person as the previous versions of me.